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Ever wondered which thieving, murderous pychopath from Jack's books most resembles you? Well, wonder no more. Will you be a determined hero, or a twisted villain, or one of the many morally ambiguous characters in between? You'd already know, if only you'd just stop reading this unnecessary exposition and move on to the quiz already.

You find a wallet in a deserted alleyway. There's $300 in it. What do you do?

Leave it where it is. Not my problem.

Take it to the cops before someone less moral than me finds it.

Share the money with all the nearby beggars and buskers.

Keep it. Why would God have arranged for it to be there if He didn't intend for me to have it?

Phone my best friend. See what he/she thinks. If we decide to keep the cash, we'll split it. If not, we'll split the reward.

Who drops a wallet in an alley, cash still in it? I'd leave it - seems like a trap.

Read all the cards in it, then get it tested for prints. It'd be good to know all the facts before doing anything.

Get the address off the driver's license. Then I'd go to the house, hand the wallet over, and talk my way inside. Try to guess how rich the owner is based on the furnishings.

Take it to the police, but first I'd examine it and the alley thoroughly. See if I can work out how it got there.

Take the money. Anyone with $300 on them is probably wealthy, so I'd go to the house, kill anyone inside, and take any cash, gold or diamonds I find. If anyone saw me on the way there or the way back, I'd kill them too.

Look at the picture on the driver's license, and then go find someone who looks similar. I'd kill him or her, take away their wallet, and put the one I found in the alley in the corpse's pocket. Then I'd leave the body for the police to find, and watch the ensuing chaos at a distance. Police procedure interests me.

^{Hint: if you don't want to be one of Jack's villains, we suggest choosing something that doesn't involve killing people.}

When someone has hurt you, what do you do?

Hurt them back, physically.

Hurt them back, psychologically.

Nothing. Justice will come, sooner or later.

Avoid them.

Mock them.

Try to work out why.

Focus on repairing the damage.

Work out how to stop them from hurting anyone else.

Punish them immediately as a matter of principle.

Tell a friend, so we can look out for each other.

Tell everyone about it, so they'll be punished by the proper authorities.

You get arrested. What for?

^{Yes, we know it's rude to ask you to specify the details of our hypothetical. But bear with us.}

Fleeing a crime scene before the cops show up.

Theft, or maybe breaking and entering.

Libel, or slander.

Reckless driving.

Murder.

Hate crimes, acts of terrorism.

Kidnapping.

Perjury, or lying to a federal agent. Maybe both.

White-collar crime. Tax fraud, embezzlement - something along those lines.

Assault - I've got a temper.

Attempted murder.

How do you go about finding love?

Love tends to find me.

Friends are enough for me right now.

I win people over by making them laugh.

If I like someone, I just ask them out. Why waste time?

The love of my family is all I need.

God's love is all I need.

I don't. Love is way, way down on my list of priorities.

I get to know the person I'm interested in, and then I ask them out and keep asking until they say yes.

I find dating difficult - I can never tell what the one I'm with is thinking. I find it hard to trust people.

I'm too busy for it. Anyway, I work best alone.

Other people rarely interest me at all. Love never crosses my mind.

Which of the following is most important to you:

^{Hint: Some of these sound like good things, but aren't.}

Happiness

Supremacy

Health

Money

Loyalty

Faith

Safety

Longevity

Friendship

Freedom

Justice

What would make you most angry?

A friend being threatened.

A friend disappearing without trace.

Being helpless to stop a terrible event.

Someone saying bad things about a member of my family.

Someone disrespecting my beliefs.

Someone trying to take something of mine.

Feeling like I've let someone down.

Being lied to.

Not having complete control of my life.

Feeling like I could have done better, achieved more.

The government. Damn government.

You've captured a villain whom you know has planted a bomb somewhere nearby. It's set to go off in minutes - thousands of lives are at risk, including your own. What do you do?

This isn't 24 and I'm not Jack Bauer. I'd do everything I can to get the area evacuated before the detonation. Save as many lives as possible.

Grab the nearest sharp object and threaten to mutilate him with it if he doesn't tell me where it is. (This is 24!)

Leave. Every second I spend talking to him is a second I should be using to search for the bomb.

Run - get as far away as I can. Self-preservation has to come first.

Nothing. The bomber has more to fear from death than I do.

Drug him. Some cisatracurium besilate or sodium thiopental would probably fry his brain, but it'd open his mouth first.

Go through his clothes. Surely there'll be some clue as to where he's been.

Take his phone or his PDA. In seconds you should know his life inside out.

Talk to the bomber - try and trick him into revealing where the bomb is.

Rough him up, shout at him, pressure him into saying something that'll help me find the bomb.

Ask him where it is. Shoot him in the foot. Ask again. Shoot him in the other foot. Ask again. Shoot him in the knee. And so on until he talks.

^{(c) Jack Heath, 2008 | hosted by Atom 8 solutions | quiz code from founderweb.com | site design by Paul Kopetko}